she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
