tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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