And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
