Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
