Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
