im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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