I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
