May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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