Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
