PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
