I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
