you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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