do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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