Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
