i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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