my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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