I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
