I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Mom said you looked used
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
