I hope mine doesn't look like that
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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