I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
