I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize