Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
