That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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