i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize