idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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