Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
