Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
