Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
