I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
