HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
