Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are the jesus of drinking
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
