Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
