Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
