I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
