I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
