I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
