I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
