The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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