he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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