I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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