found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
