An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
