yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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