i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
