tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
