she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
