3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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