I'm pants shitting drunk right now
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
