I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize