He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
