If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
