I like to think it a success when the cops are called
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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