"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
