i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize