i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
