And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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