i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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