MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
