She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize