I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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