bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
