No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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