oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
