Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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