Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
