You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
smell my finger.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
