That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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