She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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