Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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