Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
