So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
