What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
