Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
