We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize