wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
