It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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