I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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