here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
