You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize