Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
