there was a trapeze. enough said
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
