can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
