After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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