we made out on top of his cat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
wow bdsm is so cute
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
