Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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