He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize