i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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