She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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