What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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