Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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