Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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