We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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