i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
