yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize