I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
