I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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