My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
