They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
