Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
